Answer Your Own Needs And Make Life More Adventurous

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I ran away from home with childhood hopes of providing my family with everything they ever needed: personal bags of Lays Original Chips. With no money or clothes on my back, I was a young rebel who was determined to fulfill my need for adventure and my families unspoken desire for corner store treats. Dressed in a silky white tee that looked like the miniature version of my grandmother’s church slips and white panties, I slid from underneath my freshly washed white Barbie sheets and slipped out the side door into the ghetto jungle I called home.

I was four and full of fearlessness. I wanted a real adventure, and the candy ladies house was too close, so off I went in the wrong direction to get people things that they didn't ask for.

Being invisible was a superpower I had mastered by this time, so I knew no one would suspect a thing. Until the future proprietors of the neighborhood corners and bloodshed stopped me in my tracks, questioned my authority, aborted my mission, and led me back home where my mama was waiting to whoop my ass.

I never got to complete my mission, and it has secretly haunted me since.

As I’ve gotten older, I often put myself in danger trying to make sure the needs of others are met. When I was 4, there was nothing dangerous about wanting to see others happy. Now I know better. As a Black Women, I deserve to explore what it means to have real joy, love, pleasure, and adventure, which means putting myself first in all that I do.

What I’ve learned: It isn’t your mission to answer to the needs or desires of anyone but yourself. You shouldn’t be endlessly giving to others, and depleting your own source energy. By valuing your journey and taking the time to explore your own needs and desires, you will live a more fulfilling life. 

HERE IS HOW ANSWERING YOUR OWN NEEDS MAKES LIFE MORE ADVENTUROUS: 

1. REMEMBER: THEIR REALITY IS NOT YOUR REALITY

Not only is this my favorite affirmation, it is a universal truth. I used to take on the insecurities of others, particularly of my family members, and try to remedy them. This left me with no true time to solve my own problems. And taking on everybody else’s shit left me feeling sick, depressed, and anxious. I was so tired of feeling confused, so I just decided to say no.

If I was going to welcome in the adventure that I had been longing for, then I needed to let go of the need to go where other people failed to go for themselves. I had so many goals that were not getting accomplished because I stuck myself- consciously and unconsciously- into others peoples business and this slowed down my own process so much!

You have to stop giving your energy to people, places, and things that don’t serve you and begin to serve yourself. There is so much going on in the world that connects us all in such a beautiful way, but you have to take care of yourself first. Don’t look at the news or your Instagram timeline and believe that you have to solve the world's problems right away. Instead ask yourself: What isn’t working FOR ME right now? What steps can I take to get what I want? How am I blocking myself from accomplishing my goals? If I decided to say yes to this new adventure, how will I make sure I receive my highest good from the very beginning?

2. ROOT FOR YOURSELF

When I began to pursue my own interest, I encountered a lot of people who stopped supporting me. It broke my heart to learn that certain people just weren’t going to support me for whatever reason, but I didn’t let their negativity stop me. I kept on rising.

I had decided a long time ago that I wasn’t in the business of pleasing people. The only way I was going to accomplish my goals and experience true pleasure in my life was by doing me regardless of what anyone thought. I seriously had to begin channeling my inner carefree Auntie.

It’s so hard to ignore the naysayers when the naysayers are people you call friends and family, but you have to. As Black Women we are loyal to people who stopped showing us love decades ago, so we must choose to save ourselves. By letting go of the need for approval, you will allow yourself to experience the things that set your soul on fire.

3. ALWAYS BE WILLING TO LEARN THE LESSON

Ignorance is truly bliss. I always knew that getting what I wanted involved letting go of people and past pains, but I always wanted to hold on as tight as I could. I was never willing to admit that something had failed and it was time for me to move on because it hurt.

Working through the pain was tough, but I did it. Whenever I thought about what I wanted for my future, I reflected on all the times where I held onto extra baggage and didn’t make it to my desired destination. Once I decided that I didn’t want that for my life anymore, I let go and promised myself to only take with me the necessities.

You have to find the strength to accept somethings won't make it with you to your destination. You are so worthy of the adventure that you are seeking, but you can't carry your past into your future. Please, stop being a bag lady! Figure out what your necessities are, grab them, and get going in the direction of your dreams.

Since I've decided to say yes to my own adventure, I've been transported to a new city with new beginnings waiting for me. There is plenty of adventure waiting for all of us, but we have to yes to it by saying yes to ourselves.