Be Unapologetic With Yourself
Not too long ago, I decided to be nicer to myself because I realized that I was spewing so much hate my way it was ridiculous. I always had something negative to say about myself, whether things were going right or wrong. This negative self-talk had led me into many dark places, where I found myself wondering why I was constantly being pulled back into the same negative cycle. I remember when I was around 10, I said something that you wouldn't expect to hear a 10 years old say: suicide. It was a word I was unfamiliar with, yet it still found its way into my personal dictionary. It manifested itself in nasty ways years later as I began to deal with my own anxiety and depression. I didn't understand the language that I was using and the things that I was speaking into my life until I was about 22. Then I realized that my words had the power to materialize themselves as serious bouts of depression that always lead to thoughts of suicide. This all resonated heavily with me as I began to define my Black Womanhood.
Growing up in a Christian household, my grandmother always preached that I should watch what I say, but I was young and hardheaded. Eventually, I realized that I had the power to change the definitions I believed about myself and my world. Shout out to wise Mama’s because my grandmother’s words really made an impact on me when I was mature enough to accept them. Once I stopped calling myself ugly, stupid, fat, poor, and unworthy, my world began to change. I adopted words like love, abundance, beautiful, successful, and fulfilled into my vocabulary and I began to experience those exact things.
The thing about words and language is that it can be very intricate. We may use words in their simplest form or we may find the most difficult ways to explain something. Our Power Language is the mirror we create for ourselves and the world—it is the space we create to allow others into our reality. People can tell a lot about you from the words you speak, but what can you find out about yourself?
We lose the power of our language when we take on words that don't offer us anything positive. Life is about giving and taking—what you put out will always be given back to you. My Power Language wasn’t powerful at all—it was negative and it was the reason I was always cycling through the same karma. I got rid of all the negative definitions I accepted from the world and decided to live unapologetically. I put the MAGIC and POWER back into my Power Language when I decided I was over the cloud of self-doubt and sadness that was always looming over me. I took back all the negative words and created a language that was full of affirmative and assertive words that have helped me live my best life.
Through our language, we agree to what has been laid out before us and we squeeze ourselves into the reality of that word, forgetting the authenticity of our Power Language-- the language that affirms us into a loving space of acceptance.
To find your power you must go back to your original language and use your authentic voice. Here are 3 ways you can discover your Power Language and use it.
1. Become conscious of your self talk. Everything begins and ends with you. If you want to be powerful, happy, and successful, then you must affirm these things into yourself first. Instead of telling yourself how bad your current financial situation is horrid, look at the many miracles happening around you everyday and remind yourself how great your life is despite the minor setbacks! I mean you are experiencing the miracle of life and breath everyday, that means that you get another chance to be awesome so you should remind yourself!
2. Say No. I get it, you don't want to disappoint anyone and you don't want to seem rude, but if you want to feel happy and powerful then you must learn the most powerful word ever-- NO! There are times when we will end up where we don't want to be doing things we don't want to be doing because we refused to be assertive and say no. Saying no makes room for you to get what you want by declining offers that don't fit your vibe. Being a magical Black girl is about being unapologetic. So unapologetically say no, tap into your power, and get what you want!
3. Change your definitions. Everyone sees and understands the world from their point-of-view. I can't believe in anyone else's definition of Lyneisha because I can only see myself and define myself on my own term. The same is true for anything in this life. You have the power to define everything using your own definition. You don't have to be a walking Webster's Dictionary, you just have to be yourself and believe what you believe to be true. Our Power Language is based in our thoughts, so we can change our thoughts about those nasty situations and negative self-talk to be more positive. Once we are tapped into our own creative power, we will begin to see how much power we have in us. One of my favorite books by bell hooks, All About Love: New Visions, discusses how our definitions and perceptions of love are often misguided-- it is a great books to grab if you are serious about changing your Power Language to reflect your authentic self. Definitely a Soul Feminist MUST HAVE!
It all goes back to the mind and realizing that your true power comes from the thoughts you think and the words you say. You must become conscious of your Power Language because it can truly shape your reality. As Soul Feminist (aka Magical Ass Black Women), we have the power to make miracles happen in our lives. While everyone else continues to focus on what they don't want, we must summon everything we do want (Can you say, Idris Alba and Lance Gross on a platter of peaches and cream, anyone?) into your reality by changing our definitions to match the power we all are holding within us.
The world may call us Angry Black Women, but we don't have to accept that. Our minds may tell us that our only way to deal with depression is suicide, but we don't have to accept that. A mislead group of men can tell us that our skin is too dark and our hair is too nappy, but we don't have to accept that. The only words we must accept are our own because they are full of power and tons of Black Girl Magic.
You want to start changing your Power Language to one that is more positive and rich, well click below and download The Self-Love Mad Libs Worksheet and have some fun reminding yourself how amazing you are!